My Final Goodbye to You
by Suki of Light
Summary: Rated M for BAD language, and suicide. Summary: This is my final goodbye to you, my tormentor.


Disclaimer: If I owned these guys, well the main character wouldn't be Shuuichi Shindo, and my favorite character wouldn't be a minor character.

I've got to stay awake. If I fall asleep, he'll come and get me again. He only ever comes after me when I'm sleeping, so if I stay awake, I should be safe, right?

My body isn't as strong as my will, and I can feel my eyes growing heavy, they flicker shut occasionally, but I always force them open.

I don't want him to appear, not again. I don't want him to abuse me anymore, and if staying awake at night, never sleeping is the answer, well then, I'll never sleep again. I'll force my body awake, use caffeine anything to keep away from his taunting, filthy hands.

I'd kill myself before I'd let him touch me that way again. I feel myself falling asleep again. It looks like suicide is it. Forcing my body off my bed, I walk to my drawer, and grab the slightly rusty, blood covered knife. I probably should have cleaned it. It's funny how I can worry about infection right before my death.

No more thoughts, no more distractions. I'm going to do this, and I will do it now. I feel the blade slicing into my flesh, taunting me with visions of my true desires, and how now I'll never reach them, but I suppose that was his plan all along. He knew things would become difficult if my true desires had become reality, so he tortured me to this. I know that he knew somehow his actions would drive me this far into insanity.

I want to sleep, I'm so tired, but I'm hoping this time it will be a more permanent sleep. Like a sleep that lasts for an eternity, and more. I want to sleep until thoughts of how I've fallen, of how he's beaten me vanish into dust in the wind. My head is pounding, from blood loss or lack of sleep I have no clue, but I know that I want aspirin, desperately. If I'm going to die, if tonight is going to be my last night in this hell that has become my life, then I want to be comfortable.

I walk across my room, having the shadows from my window hit me as I pass it. I reach for the bottle and take out three of the little pills. I know the highest does you're supposed to take is two, but why would it matter? I'm going to die anyways, no matter what the cause, I will die tonight. My vision is blurring, my fingers become heavy as I type these last words to you...my torture, the one who has driven me to my ultimate end.

I have nothing more to say to you, but to anyone else who might find this last note, or try and save me, I pose one question to you. Where were you when he was torturing me? Why do you only pretend to care now, when I don't really need it, instead of when I was pleading for it with a soundless scream? I only have one thing to say to that: FUCK YOU! My body is becoming cold, and I reach for a blanket with one hand.

Oh, do you like how I've documented my every action for you to enjoy, my pain-inflictor? I bet when you read this, you'll have a self-satisfied smirk on your face, as though my actions were solely based on your torture. They aren't. I'm tired of giving all my effort only to be thrown aside, as the glory I'm so desperately craving is slathered on the two others, while I am drowning here, wishing for even the tiniest sliver of that glory.

Maybe as my death is painted on the front cover of all the newspapers, I will receive that glory, but my tormentor wouldn't let it happen, would you, bastard? You'll cover it up as I know you cover everything up, as though you can't face the truth. As I sit here writing this, I feel that it's painfully obvious who has been torturing me, robbing me of my sleep, but I assure you, you won't take this eternal sleep from me. You won't rob me of this.

I feel as though I'm drifting away, is this truly what death feels like? If I would have know that death would feel this great, I would have killed myself when you first started abusing my body, torturing my soul. My strength has all but faded from my body. I will see you in hell, demon, and the next time we meet, I will be the strong one inflicting all the pain you wrought on me. This is my final goodbyeijelkjsiouldkfnjeoiuslk

A/N: Those random letters are intentional, and if you don't know what they are for, well I think it's pretty obvious. Tell me what you think of my drabbley-angsty thing that I have completed at 3:43 AM, on this Saturday, or don't, it doesn't matter to me either way.


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